I’m very sorry for the radio silence for the last ten days. I put up a post last weekend but it was too full on and raw and so I took it down again. It’s a funny old balance to get – being honest and real but also protecting yourself and your family too.
So this is a slightly less full on version of what’s been happening.
In many ways the last two weeks have been brilliant. The blog got a huge write up in the Irish Independent (thank you Leslieann and Yvonne) and as a result I was interviewed on three different Irish radio stations.
It was funny to see what they honed in on. The big main station, RTE2, seemed most interested in me chatting up the Greek and were a bit gutted that it didn’t end in love (‘if it were Hollywood you’d have married him!’ said the interviewer, a guy from Westlife. Tell me about it! ) Another one was very interested in me being naked (‘Hold on, we have Hugh Hefner on the line for you…’) and the final one seemed concerned for my wellbeing: ‘Sure, was your life so bad that you had to take such drastic action as this?’
Good question, really.
Thank you VERY much to the Irish Independent magazine for running a big TWO page feature on the blog. Hurrah, hurrah, hurrah.
And here’s me in my blue frock. ON THE COVER. Did I mention it was ON THE COVER???!!
Click here to read the article…. Only if you want to, of course.
No doubt normal semi-miserable service will resume tomorrow… but for now I’m excited and delighted. THANK YOU to my Leslieann Horgan and Yvonne Hogan who made it happen.
Last night I got the train from my mum’s house in the burbs back to my friend’s house in London. When I arrived, I walked past a bar and I told myself that I deserved a drink after the crappy day I’d had. I told myself that one fall off the wagon would not be the end of the world. I went in.
This is what I knew that a glass of red wine would do for me:
1) it would be an instant way to change the way I was feeling
2) It would allow me to feel properly angry and sorry for myself.
3) Then by the bottom of the first glass I’d feel calmer and better and things would matter less, it would be like being in a helicopter and looking down.
God, I’m in a bad mood. A really really bad mood. Nothing’s right, everything’s wrong and I’m FURIOUS for no good reason. Right now, I’m venting all my anger at my poor keyboard. I’m positively attacking it with my fingers. And the funniest thing of all is that I’m angrily attacking my keyboard while writing a piece about how to be happy for a magazine. Ha bl**dy Ha!!
Here’s the list of my pathetic first world woes:
1) I got some virus on my computer which means that my search engines have gone weird and I keep getting pop up ads and then the internet keeps crashing. I’ve also lost some of the apps on my computer, including one called Things which keeps my master to-do list. It’s the repository for every one of my ideas, thoughts and plans. Such as they are.
‘A skinny, pretty, billionaire philanthropist who had it all. Someone whose wit and warmth were as famous as her breathtaking beauty…’ that’s how my friend Sharon wants to be remembered she dies.
Joan Rivers aimed just as high with this quote: ‘One morning you’ll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead…On George Clooney’s Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, “Xjfhfyrnem.”—’
More seriously, in her last ever interview, she said: ‘[Death is] inevitable. It’s no longer an abstract thing. It’s like, God, I’m in my eighties. Nobody, when I die, is going to say, “how young?” They’re going to say, she had a great ride.’
A really quick one just to say that all good. Yesterday and today I did the full shebang – meditate, exercise, check bank balances (not good), planned my days (and stuck to plans), didn’t drink and all around got A LOT DONE. Seriously, this no-boozing business does wonders for my productivity. I feel like my brain has gone from this:
Hello all, just a quick one… how are you doing? Are you keeping with it? Some of you have been very quiet – do I need to be worried?
All good this end – yesterday (day 4) I exercised, meditated, checked balances, stuck to a planned work schedule (got a lot done) and did not drink.
I’m going to try harder with my food though, some of you have inspired me. I thought that stopping drinking gave me a free pass to do whatever I wanted with regards to the rest of my diet but seeing as being booze free is proving easier than I’d expected (I know, amazing) I might push myself a bit more to cut out sugar/sweets (not fruit). Yesterday, with all my busy work-ness I ate not one but TWO slices of cake. I rely a lot on sugar to get me through the day and know it’s not a good thing and it only creates a slump afterwards – so for the rest of the week at least I’m going to do NO PROCESSED SUGAR/CAKES and only a small chunk of very dark chocolate if totally desperate.
Every once in a while you meet someone who just radiates goodness and Charlotte Reed is one of those people.
I sat next to her at the lecture I went to this Saturday and within ten minutes she’d offered me half of her egg and cress sandwich. It was delicious. I admired her pink fluffy jumper and she told me I looked much younger than 37. I was smitten.
We got talking and it turns out that I’ve actually been following Charlotte on Facebook for months. She has a page called called ‘May the Thoughts Be with You: Ideas and Wisdom to Inspire Your Days‘ where she posts illustrations with inspiring messages on them. They make me smile every day.
It’s been nine days since I’ve had a sip of alcohol and this morning I woke up feeling cleaner and perkier and stronger than I have in a long time.
It helped that I had a proper 11-hour sleep without waking up once – which is very unusual for me. I usually wake a few times with quite strong ‘What am I doing with my life?’ panics. That’s the actual voice that comes into my head in the middle of the night ‘What are you doing? What are you doing?’ Either that or I find myself sitting bold upright at around 2am with my heart beating, thinking ‘Where are you?’, even though it’s the same bed I’m always in.
It’s Sunday morning and the rain is pouring down. I’m in the kitchen drinking coffee and listening to Fleetwood Mac, going through everyone’s pledges. It’s so cool to have you all get on involved, really exciting. Thank you.
So my progress report: yesterday I went to a talk given by Gabrielle Bernstein who is a glam, thirty-something ‘spiritual guru’. I know, the phrase makes me cringe, but not really sure how else to describe her. A lot of you will probably know here but if you don’t, check her out here.
She used to be a party girl, doing a lot of drink, drugs etc – but turned her back on it all. She’s now into yoga, meditation and gives great advice dealing with jobs you hate, stress, relationships etc. Oprah calls her a ‘new thought leader’ whatever that means.