Category Archives: Feel The Fear Posts

SWEARING, NUDITY AND INTERNATIONAL BOOK DEALS… 2014’s highlights…

Hello! Before we get stuck into 2015, I thought I’d do a kind of sum up of last year, just for kicks. I realise that I can be very negative, so I’m going to BIG MYSELF UP and focus on the VERY COOL stuff that happened as well as well as acknowledging the moments where I kind of lost it…

So are you ready? Here goes:

Screen Shot 2015-01-01 at 01.22.54January – Started with me chatting up strangers on the tube, getting naked in public, doing stand-up comedy (terrifying, awful, amazing!! I’m a hero!) and jumping out of a plane (never, ever, ever again) in a Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway extravaganza.  Susan Jeffers self help classic advises doing one scary thing a day. I do. With bells on. A triumphant – if nerve shattering – start. The Daily Mail ran a big feature about my project which led to interview requests from BBC Berkshire and er, China. Hurrah! This is amazing and exciting!

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Thank you

It’s 6am and I’m heading off on a job in a bit but wanted to say a quick thank you all so so so much for the lovely comments yesterday. It made me cry again but in a good way. I wish you could all know what it’s like to have a moan and then have dozens of people send you lovely messages. It’s pretty amazing and not what I was expecting and, to be honest, not what I deserve.

Thank you especially to the people who told me about their dark patches – especially around money. It really helped.

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Bye bye Feel the Fear…

Before I move on to the next book (I’m already behind schedule) I’d like to wrap up my Feel the Fear month. How was it? Did it change my life? etc etc.

So first of all, how was it? Well, in truth it was exhausting. I’ve gone my whole life without chatting up strangers, getting naked in public, performing stand-up comedy and jumping out of a plane –  so to cram them all into one month was a bit head-wrecking.

But God, it was brilliant.

I read somewhere that our fear is not that life is too short but that we don’t feel alive when we live it. How true. Most of my life is spent in a worried rut but last month I felt very alive.  Every day felt like a day when something could and would happen. It was exciting.

AND I became the most interesting person in the pub – which, as we all know, is very important.

So how did I get on with my list?

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Feel the fear and jump out of a plane (with words)

Hello! Hello! It’s me…  I’m sorry I vanished for a week without telling you all about the JUMPING OUT OF A PLANE business. It turns out that a month of full-on fear facing is EXHAUSTING and last week was spent in the Priory. Only joking, I was just tired and busy and not capable of putting together a good post. I am happy to report I am now back on glittering form. Ha!

So, where were we?

Well, many of you will have seen this picture:

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it looks like I’m having the time of my life, right? Well, I wasn’t. Despite the crazy grin on my face (the result of gale force winds) I absolutely HATED it. I know, I know! Sorry to end the month on a downer but it’s the truth.

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Feel the fear and do stand-up comedy

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Well, it finally happened. The thing I was dreading the most – more than getting naked, chatting up strangers and even jumping out of a plane – is now over and done with.

Yes, on Sunday night I got up in front of a microphone in a London pub and delivered a stand-up comedy routine.

I use these terms loosely – I was definitely standing up but whether it was ‘comedy’ or even a ‘routine’ is debatable.  But either way, I did it. And it was was one of the scariest things I’ve done in my life.

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Feel the fear and sing in public, after eating offal

So this weekend I enrolled on a two day stand-up comedy course that culminated in a live performance on Sunday night. I also arranged to eat offal and do karaoke on Saturday night. Suffice it to say it was a meltdown inducing, terrifying weekend.

But look, here I am writing about it – which means that I must have survived…

First the Saturday night offal and karaoke.

My lovely friend, Claire, treated me to a dinner at to St John in Farringdon. It specialises in something called snout to tail food and is the kind of restaurant that I would never in a million years go to. I’m a real wimp when it comes to food. I don’t eat much meat and even feel funny eating the dark bits of chicken. I  like my food to be as sanitised and removed from its source as possible.  No eyes, innards or things with funny textures.

So Claire did the ordering for us.

Vegetarians please look away but this is what we had: bone marrow (which were basically bones on a plate which looked like something the Flinstones would eat), liver of some sort, haggis and ox’s heart. Yup, heart.

bone marrow

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Feel the fear and stalk Chris Evans. Badly.

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Right, my last post was miserable and self-indulgent. I have now pulled myself together.

At the end of said miserable and self-indulgent post I explained that I’ve added ‘Take Chris Evans for lunch’ to my fear list.

Now it’s not because Chris Evans is scary. I don’t think he is. Quite the opposite. I read his two autobiographies in the summer and I thought he was fantastic. His enthusiasm, energy and wit are infectious. I also found him very wise. I recommend that everyone read the books if you need an positivity injection.

Anyway, I’ve since started listening to his breakfast show (even though it means listening to more Elton John than I’d really like), and I’ve been telling friends how much I’d love to meet him…

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Feel the fear and have a meltdown

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So right now I’m feeling the fear and just, well, feeling the fear. I’m a rabbit in the headlights. I have so much to do and don’t know where to start so I keep picking up different tasks, starting them, then panicking that it’s not the most important thing to do and I abandon it and go on to something else. Then I repeat that over the 12-plus hours a day I now seem to be spending on my laptop.

Each day ends with me feeling more in a hole than I was in the day before. And I’m annoyed with myself because after Monday’s big scary hospital appointment, I should have things in perspective. Why does my balanced perspective only last for an hour or two? Why is my default state of mind low-grade panic?

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