Category Archives: Uncategorized

I walked on fire

fire walkIt’s 9pm on Thursday night and 7,000 people are chanting ‘YES! YES! YES!’ in a pitch black car park in London’s Docklands.

The mood is tribal.

I feel like we’re on our way to a ritual killing. Maybe our own.

We’ve already signed waivers that warn us that what we are about to undertake could result in ‘physical or emotional injury, paralysis, death….’

I feel sick with anticipation but I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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Dating month is over – so did I Get the Guy? Er, no. Obviously.

Well, it was a BIG WEEKEND. From Thursday to last night I was under the spell of self-improvement guru TONY ROBBINS. I walked on fire, danced around like a lunatic with 7,500 other people and fell heart-stoppingly in love with the 6ft7 lantern jawed self-irmprovement God.

There was a lot of talk about taking MASSIVE ACTION and getting into a PEAK STATE. Basically the OPPOSITE to my usual approach to life. And as much as I would have liked to take the p*ss out of it all, I couldn’t. He was brilliant. It was brilliant.

I got home last night around 10pm, so I still need a bit of time to assimilate it all. I’ll put up a post on Wednesday. For now, a belated post to wrap up DATING MONTH.

Huge thank you for all the clever, honest and wise comments to my last post which asked does Happiness = Marriage + Kids?

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The real reason I am single

pixshark.com

pixshark.com

Bonjour, bonjour. It’s a rainy Monday here in London and I am feeling about as romantic as a cabbage. I’ve taken the last week off dating – no Tinder meet ups or even messages – and it’s been a relief. I actually think I’m going to delete Tinder – I don’t like it anymore. It’s a bit of a head f**k. I might just stick to the old fashioned way of hoping to meet someone in real life.

And weirdly that seems to be happening. A friend of a friend asked for my number in the pub on Friday night and earlier last week I got asked out by a guy on the tube. He might have been drunk – and possibly on a few other substances – but hey, it’s still nice to be asked!

Anyway, my light must be on or something.

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Date number 2 with the Mad Scientist

Screen Shot 2015-03-02 at 11.35.53Last Thursday morning I stood in front of a boardroom of business people and told them I needed a boyfriend. No, really, I did.

My friend Josh had invited me to this networking business breakfast he goes to, saying I might get some copywriting work out of it.

I don’t really want any copywriting work but according to Matthew Hussey we must say ‘yes’ to every invitation because you never know where it will lead and who you will meet. It also gets you out of your comfort zone and used to interacting with people.

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I’m a high value woman. And I don’t mean I charge by the hour

Screen Shot 2015-02-26 at 12.57.11Last night I was supposed to have a date with Alistair, the Scottish guy who works for the NHS.

His profile said that he ‘liked to make sweeping assumptions about people based on their profile pics’. He guessed that I was Irish, liked swing dancing and vintage clothes. I guessed that he was Scottish.

We were messaging last week and he made me giggle. It was easy.

He asked if I wanted to meet up. I said yes. We agreed on this Wednesday night. He told me that he’d been in touch this week to arrange.

This Tuesday night, around 11pm, I was going to bed and still hadn’t heard from him. It was annoying. Pride meant I didn’t want to be the one to message him first but also, I wanted to know if it was still happening so I could make other plans if it wasn’t.

So I messaged him: ‘Hello Alistair, how are you? Just wondering if we’re still on for tomorrow night?’

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My date with the mad scientist

Screen Shot 2015-02-23 at 12.02.53Well, it happened. My Tinder dating has officially begun. I had my first date on Saturday with a guy who described himself as ‘6-ft Scouser with a taste for the absurd.’  His profile pics attested to that – there were shots of him wearing a comedy moustache and wig, pics of him in what looked like a Flamenco outfit at a festival…

None of this is my kind of thing. I’m too uptight for fancy dress. And I find absurd stuff kind of stupid and childish.

But then there was a nice normal smiley picture and I could see he lived locally so I just swiped anyway.

We had a bit of texting at the end of last week.

He told me he was good at making burgers and doesn’t like lazy people. I told him I’m a terrible cook and am very lazy. He said he admired my honesty. I told him I liked burgers. Continue reading

Hello, my name’s Marianne and I love you

Screen Shot 2015-02-21 at 12.42.25I don’t like this dating business. I haven’t even gone on one and already I’m in strung out and tired. I don’t like strangers pinging messages to my phone every day and I don’t like that I’m going out to meet them – I feel anxious, jumpy and irritable.

I now have four dates lined up – one tonight, one tomorrow night, one on Wednesday and one next Sunday.

I keep thinking, what if they don’t like me? What if they say ‘you don’t look anything like your pictures?’ – which, of course, I don’t. I have put up BY FAR MY BEST PICTURES. I know that this is part of the game but seriously, I could be done under trade descriptions.

I’ve spent the last few days hating my teeth and my bum and my hair. I’ve been looking in the mirror and finding the ways I am wanting. I am thinking things such as: ‘why are your eyes so weird and puffy at the moment? Who would want to look into them?’ I’ve been looking at my lumpy arse and thighs and thinking the same thing – ‘who the hell would want them? Why have you let yourself go?’ etc etc.

I am already setting myself up for rejection. It makes me want to cry.

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I’m married, does that freak you out? My first week on Tinder

onlinedatingSo as of last Saturday morning, when I woke up feeling hungover and embarrassed about the whole barman moment, I am on Tinder.

It’s a revelation – this is where all the single men of London are! Posting photographs of themselves with tops, without tops, with smiling faces and moody black-and-white photo faces, in the pub, up a mountain, cuddling dogs, kids or glam girls on a night out – a pic that says, look, women love me! I’m a catch!

It’s online shopping for a boyfriend – and the choice is big. Almost overwhelmingly so.

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I told him I had a crush on him…

gingerI have a crush on the guy working in our local pub. Last Thursday I walked past and could see that he was working. I walked in. On my own. And sat at the bar.

This to me, felt as daring as the stand-up comedy and jumping out of plane combined.

This guy is no Brad Pitt or George Clooney – but he’s tall and twinkle and smiley and ever since he started working there at Christmas, I’ve liked him. Which, of course, means that I’ve been too embarrassed to talk/smile/interact with him in any way. Give me a guy I don’t fancy and I’ll chat away for hours. Somebody I even half like, though, and I have no choice but to totally ignore him. Obviously.

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Flirting with the post man

marriedThis morning I told the delivery guy that I liked his jeans, I told the guy in my local newsagents that I liked his shirt and I told the hipster serving me coffee that I liked his beard. The delivery man looked utterly confused and a bit scared. My newsagent beamed and told me his wife had got it for him and the hipster looked equally satisfied. ‘I’ve had it since my school days,’ he said. ‘It’s a Greek thing.’
I had a picture of a skinny 12-year-old in Athens with a full-on beard. Maybe he meant university? And what is it with me and Greek men?
Anyway – I’ve given three compliments to three men and it’s not even lunchtime yet.
Let the games commence.
Matthew Hussey’s says the first step to getting your guy is to…

TALK TO THE GUY – TALK TO ANY GUY Continue reading