My friend wants to set me up with his friend. This friend (the one I’m to be set up with) is 37, an artist and musician and works in a coffee shop. It is really really awful that my first thought is that I can’t face going out with a broke Peter Pan? Is that very judgemental, superficial and money-grabbing of me?
My last boyfriend was also an aspiring musician. He was talented and we got on so well in many ways – we could talk for hours, had the same sense of humour and similar morals – but the money thing became a real issue. I hated the fact that I ended up paying for a lot and that he seemed happy to let me.
I hated that I could see no future that didn’t involve sharing a tiny one bedroom flat and lurching from month to month. I took his lack of interest in earning money as a sign that he lacked ambition – which wasn’t the case at all, his ambition just didn’t involve money. He was happy living a very frugal, hand to mouth existence – but it turns out I wasn’t.
I want, one day, to have a car and house. I want to be able to eat out and book flights. It’s not that I want a man to pay for those things – but I want a man who is, at least, an equal contributor. My expectations, when it came down to it, were different to his. But I felt bad about that – I felt bad how money and the material stuff does matter.
I’d like to pretend that it doesn’t – but I think it does.
What do you think? DOES MONEY MATTER?