Feel the fear and speak in public

It’s a well-known fact that public speaking is most people’s number one fear. People fear it more than dying. In fact, the comedian Jerry Seinfeld once joked that ‘Go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.’

Too bloody right. I’ve been asked to do readings at friends’ weddings and each time it gets me into such a stress, I’d almost rather pay for their honeymoon than get up in front of the crowd and read another ‘Love is…’ poem.

While most of my work is at a laptop, I have turned down a couple of speaking invites for fear I’d mess it up.

And so last Thursday I felt the fear. Big time.

A local speakers group – the Camberley Speakers Club – had kindly agreed I could come and do a talk at one of their meetings.

The speech would need to be 5-7 minutes long and it would ideally be without notes.  I got an email advising me that there would be a traffic light system timing me (green when I’ve reached my minimum time, amber-time to  tell me I’d reached 6 minutes,and red to warn that i had 30 seconds to wrap-up or be disqualified), and that I would have an ‘Evaluator’ assessing me.  There was also an agenda.

The words ‘evaluator’, ‘agenda’ and ‘disqualified’ were enough to spin me out, let alone flashing lights.

As the day went on, I got myself into a right state. I worried I’d get up on the stage and forget everything. Nothing would come out of my mouth at all and everybody would be staring at me.

I kept telling myself that it didn’t matter, that absolutely nothing was riding on it and that even if I messed up completely and utterly, who cares? It would be in front of 20 people who I would never see again. It wouldn’t kill me.

But it didn’t matter – I was irrationally scared. It’s because looking stupid in front of other people is one of our deepest fears. Although actually the fear of looking stupid is usually worse than than the actual looking stupid, according to studies.

Finally, my friend put me back in my box. She told me to remember that I was speaking in a Church hall and not the O2.  Fair enough.

At 7pm I walked through the graveyard to the church hall. It seemed apt. I thought of Jerry Seinfeld. Behind the podium was a picture that the local Sunday School kids had done. It spelled out the word butterflies. Again, apt.

There were three speeches before mine – each brilliant, including a fabulously surreal one about a custard cream factory. It was like something from Monty Python.

Then it was me. I stood up, walked to the front and felt like my heart was pumping out of my chest.

I talked about reading Feel the Fear for the first time, when I was 24 in a job I hated. I spoke about how it felt like an adrenaline shot and afterwards I quit the crappy job. Shortly after that I got into journalism.

I carried on wittering about other books I’d read and then the green line came on. I’d been speaking for 5 minutes. It had felt like 3 seconds. Weirder still, I was enjoying it. Worryingly, I was enjoying the sound of my own voice.

Afterwards, over tea and custard creams, everyone was very kind. I was a natural! Engaging and funny! Was it really my first time?  My head started to swell. I imagined the great public speaking/radio/television career head of me.

My winning streak abandoned me in the improvisation session. I was asked to give a two-minute speech about the 70 mph motorway speed limit. I had nothing to say. Nothing.

Meanwhile the others did the most imaginative, funny off the cuff speeches about the benefits of smoking (‘it keeps the people who make oxygen cannisters in business’) and why Camberley needs an Anne Summers.

At the end of the meeting three people were commended for their efforts.

The president, Cathy Richardson, read out the names. The second one was….  mine.

Me! An award-winning public speaker! I got my certificate and my prize.

Apparently it is usually chocolate but Kathy decided that post Christmas, we were better off with cereal bars. ‘Only 73 calories!’ she explained while handing me my gift. ‘Brilliant!’ I said.

Then my photograph was taken. It was pretty much the Oscars.

Image

Over a pint, across the road in the local Indian, people told me about how scared they were when they started. Many of them came because they got promoted at work and needed to get more confident at presenting. Others had to prepare best–men or father of the bride speeches and were so nervous they joined Toastmasters to practice before the big day.

It struck me how brave they all were, to face their fears head-on, every fortnight, instead of running away.  To me they all seemed so confident, witty, composed. They made it look easy.

Just goes to show, even when people around you seem to sail through things, it doesn’t mean they’re not terrified on the inside. We all are.

It also made me think of all the things I’ve turned down/avoided doing, for fear of failure… How many of those things might I have been quite good at?

Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway: How to Turn Your Fear and Indecision into Confidence and Action

PS – if you live locally and would like to tackle your fear of public speaking, I really can recommend Camberley Speakers Club. They are very friendly and kind and patient.  http://camberley-speakers.org.uk.  They’re one Facebook too. If you’re not in the area google Toastmasters for your nearest club.

13 thoughts on “Feel the fear and speak in public

  1. Philip Nolan

    I’m with you on that, Marianne. It absolutely terrifies me. Well done for conquering the fear – I’d still be in a corner, sucking my thumb and quietly sobbing!

    Reply
  2. Edmund Wong

    congratulations. I absolutely love Public Speaking. Represented my school back in the days but I know how excruciating it is to go up on stage and say something while at the back of your mind you might be thinking “I really don’t know what I am talking about!”

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Edmund thank you! I bet you’re fabulous at public speaking. DO you not get nervous? I think that practice would definitely help me, but like most people I’ll avoid situations that make me do it. Thanks so much for reading! Please share the link to any friends you think might enjoy it, I’m trying to spread the net.
      Love to Don. xx

      Reply
  3. Bill Leach

    An excellent read, thank you! I have shared this on the Arun Speakers, Chichester, Facebook page if that is OK – hopefully this will inspire others as well!

    If you need any help with Item 15 on your list, will a helicopter flight do the trick?

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Thank you, Bill! For reading and the offer of a helicopter flight. I’ve been on a helicopter before and didn’t find it scary – just very exciting – so I’ll pass on your kind offer. I don’t suppose you know anybody who organises sky dives, or wing walking?! I have yet to organise it. A long shot but it never helps to ask and thanks again for reading and for sharing. I’m trying to spread the word and it’s lovely to think of readers in Chichester. Have a nice day, Marianne

      Reply
  4. Sarah

    Marianne, had to comment on this one seriously, look at how far you have come given your appearance on This Morning recently – bet you never thought back in January that you would be speaking on tv LIVE to millions (well, guessing at that as I don’t really know how many people watch daytime tv but I bet it’s a lot!) you really have achieved loads, and I know your financial demons are still hanging around, but even so…. big up you!! I can only hope to get as far in my journey this year as you have come….whichever way you look at it, you’re providing inspiration to me, and loads of other people, some of whom will never make themselves known x

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Sarah, thank you so much for this. The financial demons are overshadowing any good at the moment but you’re right, I’ve come a long way. I will focus on the good, and I am beyond delighted to think that I could be inspiring anyone. Right now I”m in my dressing gown after a sleepless night worrying about money, with unwashed hair and a big pot of coffee – not very inspiring!! Really, thank you for your messages. I love them. x

      Reply

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