Well, it was a BIG WEEKEND. From Thursday to last night I was under the spell of self-improvement guru TONY ROBBINS. I walked on fire, danced around like a lunatic with 7,500 other people and fell heart-stoppingly in love with the 6ft7 lantern jawed self-irmprovement God.
There was a lot of talk about taking MASSIVE ACTION and getting into a PEAK STATE. Basically the OPPOSITE to my usual approach to life. And as much as I would have liked to take the p*ss out of it all, I couldn’t. He was brilliant. It was brilliant.
I got home last night around 10pm, so I still need a bit of time to assimilate it all. I’ll put up a post on Wednesday. For now, a belated post to wrap up DATING MONTH.
Huge thank you for all the clever, honest and wise comments to my last post which asked does Happiness = Marriage + Kids?
When I posed the question I was secretly hoping that people would get in touch to tell me that it was OK that I haven’t gone down that path yet and that it’s ok if I don’t end up going down that path in the future. And you did, so thank you.
Especially big thank you to the mothers who wrote saying that as much as they loved their children the reality is gruelling and exhausting and not for everybody. I really appreciate the honesty.
Thank you too to the single and happy women who described so well the pressure they felt from peers to settle down.
One reader says her thirties felt ‘like being trapped in a lift with a pyramid sellers – the ‘hard sell’ people did around parenting was the most railroading thing I’ve ever experienced…’
Even now, in her fifties, she says that she keeps quiet about her choice to not marry or start a family because ‘society doesn’t see how I could be happily middle-aged/single/childfree so I don’t mention it as I don’t want to get involved in a debate or justify myself.’
I can relate to that. If ever I voice the fact that I can’t see my life going down the marriage and kids route, most (but not all) people rush in to say that of course I’ll meet someone and I’d make a great mother etc.
They’re saying it out of kindness and a desire to reassure me – but the implication I take from it is that it would be really terrible/sad/tragic if I don’t get married and start a family. It’s understandable that they wouldn’t want me to miss out on something that has given them great joy and meaning. But we’re all different.
But would it be the end of the world if my life went a different way?
I don’t think it would be and this is the first time I’ve really allowed myself to think that.
When I look to the future I think about one day buying a flat, writing the book, and travelling the world. I see a full life which includes men and love – but I don’t see marriage and kids.
I believe that there are lots of ways to bring love to the world, without having a family. You can love your family, your friends and their children.
I love my best friend’s little boy with an intensity that has taken me totally by surprise but at no point has his gorgeous smile and cuddles made me yearn for my own children. Maybe that will change if I met the man of my dreams – but it’s how I feel now.
And there are lots of ways to be happy. For all my stewing and analysing on this blog, the truth is that I am very happy. My life is more rich and full and interesting than I could have ever hoped for myself a couple of years ago. I am so lucky. My cup runneth over.
But I know that I have MASSIVE FEAR around men, intimacy and relationships too so I’m not ruling anything out either.
I guess my job is to keep facing up to my various issues so that I am open to whatever comes my way. I know that I want to experience great love, hot sex and real intimacy. I don’t want to keep running from that in the way that I have.
After that the chips are going to fall how they fall.
And so that’s it. My dating month is done. Which is a joke really, because of course I can’t get my love life sorted in a month – but at least I made a start.
Even now – after naked yoga, stand up comedy, jumping out of planes and WALKING OVER HOT COALS – anything to do with men still terrifies me so I’m proud of what I have done.
Poor Mr Hussey hardly got a look in, did he? I’m sorry about that because I do think his book was good. I like that he doesn’t encourage you to go on a 100 Tinder dates, but rather to smile and be open to the people around you every day.
Sounds easy but actually it’s not – leaving yourself vulnerable and open to rejection is just hard. End of. But it’s also what its all about. Happiness might not have to mean marriage and kids but I do think it comes from love – love of yourself, love of others… and so I’ll keep going…