Well, my month of The Secret is almost done – and despite my protestations about the lazy ‘place your order and do nothing’ attitude, it seems to have rubbed off because I’ve hardly posted this month. I’ve been too busy pondering, pottering and, actually, (shock horror) being happy. Happiness might be the end goal but it plays havoc with one’s productivity. Oh well.
I’m going to do a couple more posts on the weird and wonderful world according to Rhonda Byrne before moving on to the new challenge next week (details to follow) but first I have funny news.
Yesterday I got a phone call from one of my editors. She asked me if I wanted to write an article about… Kale! My mission is to eat and drink nothing but the green leafy vegetable for a week. The day after putting up a picture of green juice on my Vision Board, I’m getting paid to drink green juice! Isn’t that just perfect?! Dear Universe, was that an early birthday present? A sign that I should stop taking poking fun out of you and your Law of Attraction?
Maybe. But for now I have to poke a little bit more fun because today’s post is about The Secret’s approach to romance and relationships, which seems to focus on rearranging your house.
As you may have picked up by now I am not blessed in the relationship department. I have spent most of my 36 years in a state of singledom. Quite normal when you’re ten, less normal when you’re coming up to forty.
Depending on the day and depending on my mood, I have different explanations as to why my relationships never last more than a few months and occur less often than the Olympics. Here they are, as I see them today:
1) For years I didn’t think I was good enough to deserve anyone decent – I thought I was too fat, too ginger, too boring, too whatever. This has lessened as I’ve got older but those insecurities are still there, deep down.
2) I find it hard to trust and open up to people, especially men. Obviously this is a fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability, fear of getting hurt etc. Even with friends I won’t ever lay myself open to being hurt. My guard is always up. (Which makes it all the more surprising that I seem to be spilling my guts out in this blog).
3) I’m not sure if I really want to be with someone. Apart from the hell of being single at weddings, I really like my own company. I happily sit in the cinema, book flights and go for long walks on my own. Friends comment on how independent I am but I don’t know how to be any other way.
But now I realise there is a forth and fifth reason for my singleness:
4) I sleep in the middle of the bed
5) My clothes fill my entire wardrobe.
The Secret quotes a woman who, like me, was always single. ‘She had done all the right things: She got clear about what she wanted him to be like, made a detailed list of his qualities, and visualised him in her life,’ writes Rhonda. But despite all this there was no sign of her dream man.
Then said woman comes home and realises – duh! – the reason she was single is because her car was parked in the middle of the garage.
‘She realised her actions were contradicting what she wanted. If her car was in the middle of the garage there was no room for her perfect partner’s car!’ According to Rhonda Byrne her actions were powerfully saying to the Universe that she did not believe she was going to receive what she had asked for.
So with this in mind, Single Susan (I’ve made that name up), not only moved her car, she cleared space in her wardrobe for her perfect partner’s clothes and stopped sleeping in the middle of bed, choosing instead to sleep on one side leaving room for, you guess it… Perfect Partner.
She then, of course, met the man of her dreams and they lived happily ever after.
As ever I am being flippant – but on some level it does make sense.
So with that in mind I’m going to write a wish list to the Universe for what I’d like from a partner…
MY DREAM MAN WEARS NAVY JUMPERS
Kind, clever, funny, smiley, tall, down to earth, ambitious, successful, happy, interested (in people, in me, in the world), relaxed (i.e. not a stress head like me), close to his family and friends, brown hair, blue eyes, energetic, motivated, good sense of right and wrong, likes to travel, likes to read, knows stuff, smells nice, financially secure, fit, empathetic, non-judgemental, generous, gives to charity/volunteers, wears great jeans and navy blue cashmere jumpers. (I really have a thing about men in navy cashmere jumpers). And of course, the best quality of all – he gets and loves me and makes me feel beautiful.
In my last post I wrote about a girl I met a couple of weekends ago who had written a similar list about what she’d like in a partner. It was a crazy long list down to the kind of clothes he’d wear and the kind of friends he’d have. She wrote it, put it away and only found it when she moved house – when she moved in with Dream Man. He had ever quality on the list bar one – he didn’t know how to dive. So I have high hopes.
I also did this:
And I am trying to do this:
(Not sleep with my clothes on in the middle of the day, but sleep on one side of the bed, obvs…)
Still I don’t really think Mr Right is going to materialise just yet. Deep down I don’t yet think I deserve it and as long as I think that it won’t happen. According to Rhonda: ‘When you feel bad about yourself, you are blocking all love and all the good that the Universe has for you.’
My friend always quotes the time I got chatted up at a bar by a guy who probably ticked all of my dream list. He was tall, dark hair, blue eyes, he was smiley and an architect. He was also wearing a navy jumper! I don’t know if it was cashmere though…
Anyway, what did I do when Mr Possibly Perfect asked if I’d like a drink? I panicked and said ‘No thanks’. All I could think was that I looked rubbish that night (greasy hair, no make up etc) and that he couldn’t seriously have been interested in someone like me. He walked away and I told my friend that he was drunk and obviously trying it on with anyone. She told me, quite rightly, that I was an idiot.
I’m really trying to improve on that and I do think much more highly of myself than I used to but there’s still work to do.
Also, and perhaps more to the point, I think the next few months are about testing myself, facing up to things about myself and getting to know myself so I’m not quite ready to bring someone else in yet. God, that sounds very me, me, me but as Rhonda says: ‘Your job is you. Unless you fill yourself up first, you have nothing to give anybody.’
So once I’ve filled myself up with crazy, embarrassing self-help experiences, all men in navy blue jumpers beware… I’m coming to get you.