My deeply moving and profound conclusions about F**K it therapy by John C. Parkin. It’s getting spiritual and long. Sorry.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI?rel=0&w=420&h=315]

 

Oh dear. I’d written a lovely final post for F*K It. It was wise and wonderful, profound and witty. It’s now gone. Not sure what I did but I obviously didn’t save the draft. Oh well, F**K It – here’s a very hastily – and reluctantly – written post. Thing is, I don’t want F**k it to end. I really don’t.

I want to live in a F**K it world forever, preferably in Italy, drinking wine in the sun and listening to John and Gaia uttering funny, wise words which serve as an antidote to all the crap we listen to every day of our lives.

The crap that tells us that if we’re not pushing harder, doing more, striving to be thinner, fitter, richer, more successful, then we’re not doing it right.
As one friend put it, reading this book is like letting out a sigh of relief.

We all make life so much harder than we need to and it’s time to stop. It’s time to chill the F**K out and enjoy life. And no the world won’t end if you do that.
Here are things I’ve been saying F**K it a lot to recently:

F**K it to obsessing about my appearance

I met mum the other day and she told me I looked ‘Bohemian’. This, of course, is code for ‘a holy mess’. She was right. My hair was wild, my jeans tatty and my make-up non-existent. Thing is I don’t care. I have spent years thinking I’m not pretty enough, well-dressed enough and that the world is judging me on that but I’m so over it. Taking a pride in your appearance is a good thing but think it’s the be all and end all is the road to misery. Like most people, I can scrub up really well and I can also look a state sometimes. Big deal. Whatever I look like I’m still, basically, a good person.

F**K it to putting on weight

In February I went to stay with my friend Rebecca for the last few months. Rebecca is an AMAZING AMAZING cook. I have been eating and drinking and getting merry pretty much every night. I have put on weight. A bit of me cares but a bigger bit of me really doesn’t. I used to be so conscious of my weight – I’d walk into any room and automatically clock who was heavier and slimmer than me. I used to think that if I could just be slimmer things would be OK. But, of course, it doesn’t work like that. Even when I was a size ten, I picked holes in something else about myself – my skin, as oppose to the size of my bum.
So F**K it, accept the shape you’re in now. If you have a body that moves and works and isn’t in pain everyday – you’ve basically won the lottery. And I’m not always going to have someone cooking me risotto, roast chicken and cheesecakes, so I’m going to enjoy it while I can. When it gets to the point where I can’t fit into any of my clothes then no doubt I’ll make some changes. But until then I’m eating seconds.

F**K it to looking for the perfect man

Friends used to always tell me that I’d find someone when I stopped looking and I wanted to punch them. How do you stop looking for something you want? I’d pretend I wasn’t looking but I always was – hoping that each night out would be the night I met someone and coming home disappointed on the tube on my own. I felt like a failure and a loser. I felt like nobody decent would ever love me. Most of my friends were married with babies on the way and I felt totally pointless and lost. It was brutal. But about eighteen months ago I reached a point where I was so miserable with all this that I just had to stop. I said F**K it and went travelling, on my own, and had a ball. Men appeared at every turn. Lovely men. And yes, it was because I wasn’t looking. I was just having fun. None of them were The One but each enhanced my life in some way – and I’ve realised that’s enough. I’ve now stopped thinking about every man as a possible match, and just think of every person as someone cool to talk to. I have no idea if I’ll meet the man of my dreams and get married and have children. I’m not sure I really want that – but whatever happens I say F**K it to worrying about it and beating myself up over it. (I’ve written a piece for this month’s Red magazine about my solo road-trip and my various romances… check it out if you fancy it.)

F**K it to worrying about work

I am so, so, so lucky that I do work that I love but I worked very hard to get to this place. I look back at how hard I drove myself in my twenties and see that it was crazy. Work matters and doing something you love matters but please don’t make yourself sick in the process. It’s just not worth it. You are good enough just as you are – you don’t need your boss or a promotion to make you worthwhile. One of the questions that came up on the retreat is whether F**K it means quitting your job – but it doesn’t necessarily. You can keep your job but have a more ‘F**K it’ attitude to that job – not that you don’t work hard but that you just don’t care about it all too much.

But even though I’ve been saying baby F**K its to things, saying a big Fat F**K it to life is scary.

WHY F**K IT IS TERRIFYING…

I’m so naturally lazy, I’m scared that if I say F**K it to everything I’ll never leave the sofa.

John reckons that our problem is that we fight the natural rhythms of life. Sometimes it’s time to go out and do things but sometimes it’s time to rest. Say I did go to bed for a day, then a week, or even a month. He says that’s fine because one day I’d wake up and want to do something. And that’s when the good stuff happens. I know this isn’t necessarily practical for a lot of us – but actually I wonder if it’s a much more realistic option than we think it is. A lot of us push ourselves to the point where we get sick and then lying in bed and re-thinking is forced upon us. Why not take the time out before it gets to that point?

I have a friend who is a mother to four children and is a full time A&E doctor. She also bakes cakes for the school, runs marathons and is currently organising a party for her parents’ wedding anniversary. I don’t understand not only HOW she does it all but WHY does it all. She’s averaging no more than 4 hours of sleep a night. She told me she can’t stop because if she does she’s terrified that if she does she’ll never get up again. I’m scared she’s heading for a breakdown.

I think that we’re all scared of stopping on deeper level. We’re scared of the big, blank nothing that we think we’ll have to face, or worse still, of facing ourselves and so we keep running and worrying about stupid stuff.

DO YOU TRUST THAT IT’S GOING TO BE OK?

Underneath all this F**K It stuff is the idea that we have to leg go and surrender and trust that it’s going to be all OK. That there is some sort of force will look after us – whether that’s God, or The Universe or something else. I find that hard to trust in but I have glimpses where I do.

Most of the best things that have happened in my life have happened totally without my planning and by surprise, as if they were meant to be. You meet the perfect person at the perfect time, read something that is exactly what you needed on that day… silly things that you can’t explain. But maybe these things are there all along, you just need to be in the right frame of mind to notice them.

Anyway, it’s getting spiritual now and it’s been a busy week and I don’t have the brain power left to write about big concepts in a simple way. But all this self-help stuff is beginning to join up. It’s all saying the same stuff really – think positively, enjoy the moment, trust that the world has your back. It’s all cliché I guess but from living these ideas – or at least trying to – for the last few months, I do feel a difference. I just keep having moments where I’m so grateful for everything I have and can’t believe how lucky I am. Yesterday the sight of two squirrels playing in the park got me weepy. They were so cute and beautiful and happy looking.

So there you go – I am on the verge of becoming an unbearable hippy. But F**K it. I hope it’s clear how much I totally and utterly love F**K It therapy and the people behind it. I think it’s my favourite so far – a tonic and I suggest all go out and buy it right now.

F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way

PS

It’s angels next – and to be honest, I’m sceptical but lots of people swear by they exist and there are dozens of books telling you how to contact them. Do you believe in angels? Any recommendations?

36 thoughts on “My deeply moving and profound conclusions about F**K it therapy by John C. Parkin. It’s getting spiritual and long. Sorry.

  1. Leslie Ann Horgan

    Reading it. Loving it. Loving every word you have said here. Working hard to get to that place xx

    Reply
  2. annemaryhastings

    So true on all counts. Stopping the world and looking into the void that happens when you stop running is terrifying but when you’ve done it once and felt the relief once you worked through the crap and got to what matters, you become even more determined to never be back running mindlessly again. It reminds me of that bit in Grosse Pointe Blank when John Cusack is telling his shrink about a recurring dream in which he’s the Duracell bunny, endlessly repeating and repeating an action without meaning.
    I can’t get too spiritual about a force looking after our fortunes, but I do think that the more you look for the positive, the more you see it, take advantage of your opportunities and appreciate them. Happiness is a habit but once you actively look for it, all sorts of good stuff comes along with it. Accentuate the positive and all that.
    Finally a colleague of mine once said that where she’d worked in New Zealand they had had ‘well days’ rather than sick days. Same principle in that they don’t need to be planned and booked like holidays you just ring up and say you’re taking a well day because f*ck it, you feel like it. You have an allotted amount per year to take and you can take them whenever you want. The argument was that since they’d have to all cover the shift if you’re ill, why not cover it for you to just have a spontaneous day off. Result was that people took hardly any sick days. I’ve been thinking about it recently with a view to seeing if I could do something similar when I need to employ someone. I think it’s a fantastic idea.

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Anne, so well put. Thanks. Like the sound of well days and you’re right that the more you look for the positive the more you’ll see it. The jury’s out with the spiritual stuff for me – I have moments where i totally believe, then others when I don’t but as long as I keep staying positive, it doesn’t really matter what’s going on. How’s everything going with you?

      Reply
  3. Elaine

    Just had a very quick read as am dashing out to enjoy the sunshine before the rain comes later!! But had a strong urge to send a smiley face 🙂 … so I am 🙂 I’m loving the blog and loving the replies, am loving the positives…… oh crumbs… so much for just sending a smiley face!!! Am really looking forward to Angels next too 🙂 …. sunshine here I come xoxo

    Reply
  4. Alice Graves

    It’s great to read that the f**k it approach to life is working so well for you. I’ve lived like this since meeting my husband 20 years ago. He is spot on with this and it is the route to happiness! Don’t give it up !

    Reply
  5. Simon

    So true, particularly the fear of not getting back up if you stop. I feel like that right now. F@ck it has definitely been my favourite so far, and the most straight forward to associate with. Whatever comes next will be hard to top it. Love your work.

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Have you read the book, Simon? If not I really recommend it. As if that wasn’t obvious. It is straight forward to associate with, isn’t it? Very much along the Nike slogan, it does what is says on the tin but in quite a deep way. Sorry you fear if you sit down you won’t get back up again, hate that feeling. Is it overwork?

      Reply
      1. Sam Plewa

        My mum-in-law is into angels, says they’re always sending down feathers as signs, and guiding her on the right path. Feathers? That’s easy! I spent weeks asking for a sign (like she suggested) but for somethin more tricky, so I’ll believe whole-heartedly, I’m still waiting for a piano to appear…
        She’s always pulling out angel cards, with wonderful messages and inspiration.
        Anyway! Good luck with angels I hope they’re nicer to you, and hope you don’t cringe too much xxx

        Reply
  6. Elaine

    Love this piece, your attitude and style. Looking forward to the angel month with a bit of apprehension as love all things angelic and fluffy and the random feathers oohhh look out for feathers.
    Check out Supernatural (TV) attractive men and attractive angels too. Also Gloria Hunniforth has touched on angels in her autobiographies and her daughter Caron Keating believed in Angels too.
    I bet you have just started singing I believe in Angels in a high pitched tone? Nope Just me then..
    What book will you be covering?

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Elaine haven’t decided which book yet but think it will be one by Doreen Virtue. Please forgive me if I struggle with it – will try not to be disrespectful. I even hate songs involving angels! Have you always believed in them? How did it start? x

      Reply
      1. Elaine

        Hi Marianne
        No idea where it started maybe from early school nativities with my friends being Arch Angel Gabriel and me just a lowly shepherd or sheep. But certainly since I have studied Reiki I have used the angelic realm more. I ask for assistance, from parking spaces to healing and protection for myself and loved ones. Is it an Angelic force helping me along or is it simply the law of attraction? Who knows but it works for me so I’m not really bothered what others think. (Wow maybe wouldn’t have said that a few years ago)
        I use Angel cards a bit spasmodically but again it works for me. I’ve got about four or five packs but use my Doreen Virtue ones most.
        As for books that’s a strange one I began by reading development ones about contacting angels and the like but to be honest I don’t feel it necessary to go on a journey or astral travel to meet my guides or angels I’m happy as I am. I now know I sound like a total fruit loop. But I’m just weirdly normally.
        The language Doreen uses is very spiritual and can be off putting.
        I would be very interested if you did “How to Hear Your Angels” I have just seen this one whilst doing some research for books and it looks interesting. Describes angels and there is also a chapter on finding out if it is Angelic or your imagination. So may be worth a look?
        I’m looking forward to the Angel month and maybe will get the book you do to piggyback.
        Have fun or F**K it. x

        Reply
        1. Marianne Power

          This is so helpful, Elaine. Thank you. You don’t sound like a fruit loop at all. Quite like cards as a way of prompting thought – the F**K it retreat used them a couple of times and both cards were perfectly apt. xx

          Reply
  7. Michelle Bunt

    Hi Marianne, Apparently Doreen Virtue is the go-to self help angel woman. I think she has honestly written like 40 books on the topic of angels. So if that’s what your next topic is, I would look into one of her books.

    Reply
  8. Rain

    Hi Marianne, I’ve been doing F**k it therapy with you and it was awesome. I really do feel much more at ease with myself and it’s made such a difference so a big hug and thanks. Most of all though, I want to finally get around to telling you how much finding your blog (when you were working with Rejection Therapy) has made a massive difference to me! In other words Marianne, You have made such a difference!

    I love your posts. You are an inspiration.
    Thanks a million,
    Rainx

    Reply
  9. Marianne Power

    Wow, Rain, thank you!! I’m delighted! What kind of F**K it therapy have you been doing? Would love to hear more and am so so so chuffed that’s it’s helping you make changes too. That’s brilliant. Love your name too. Please keep in touch. Where are you from?

    Reply
  10. rain (@rmuskoka1)

    Hi Marianne, I am currently living in a rural area in Lancashire. I’ve been saying F**k it to about everything this week. I would have normally stressed out about work, clients, my dog who’s ill and my own so called illness (I am very grateful that I do actually feel so well at the moment). I don’t need to stress out and make myself ill so F**k it!! I’m Looking at the big picture and It’s all not really important in the grand scheme of things. So I’m living for today brilliantly!!
    Rainxx

    Reply
  11. Paul

    I do my own special form of ‘fu*k it’ therapy at the moment . . . I used to find myself sucking my stomach in (presumably due to worrying how I look, I have the beginnings of a ‘pot belly’), so now I ‘walk fat’ when I’m out in public etc. I relax, let go, and let it all hang out , so to speak. I also worried about looking ‘thick’, so now I purposely walk with my mouth open if I feel like it. I probably look insane, but I’m happier for it. It’s a gradual process though, old habits die hard!

    Reply
  12. Sarah Frost

    Marianne, it’s so funny…I stumbled on this post via John’s twitter feed, & as I started to read the article (particularly the bit about not actively looking for men) I thought to myself, oh that’s just like the piece I’ve just read in my magazine on Stromboli last week…then as I continued to read I realised YOU wrote that article lol – great piece by the way!

    I’ve literally just returned from my f**k it week, and I’m just gradually coming back down to earth but desperate to cling on to my memories of a mind-blowing week.

    I’m not sure what the future holds for me at present, I said f**k it to a civil service career over a year ago & am currently searching my heart to find a job I love. Before the retreat I had times where the pressure of finding my passion was quite heavy. However my outlook has changed. I felt like I was high coming home, I floated through the airport, observed how stressed & uptight everyone seemed. I swear I was the only person on my flight who smiled & didn’t groan loudly when informed we’d missed our slot for our already delayed flight & would have to potentially sit a further hour on the Tarmac
    This is what the F**k it attitude teaches you & it’s one of the best lessons I’ve ever learnt. I’m aiming to start living and breathing the F**k it life, and incredibly excited to see where it takes me!

    Reply
  13. Vickie

    Hi Marianne, just found this website via an email from the F*ck It gang! It couldn’t have come at a better time – it seems the more self-help books I buy (each time thinking ‘this will be the one!’) the more stagnant my life becomes…hmmm! Correlation?! I must admit that the F*ck It books are the only ones that have ever rung true for me (I just can’t get organised enough to read 7 Habits of Organised People….again, hmmmmm!!)
    Will be following your self-help quest with great interest – keep it up and good luck with the angels! xxxx

    Reply

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