The Greek. Part Two.

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So I saw the Greek again and it was lovely. We went to a pub in Hampstead (a pretty, old part of London) and then got dinner. He paid. I don’t know if this makes me a crappy person but this kind of thing now means a lot to me – not because I want a man to pay my way but because it feels like a sign of old-fashioned respect.

Just as we did the first time we met, we chatted for hours. He is clever and well read and a very good listener too. It was easy and he made me laugh.

I won’t go into the ins and outs of all our conversation because I’m not sure he’d like that but he said some very nice things, which made me feel embarrassed at the time but which I ran over and over in my head when I got home.

He said that the day before I came up to him in the coffee shop he’d been talking to a friend about his ideal woman. Then ‘this beautiful woman’ walked up to his table and seemed to be everything he had on his list. ‘And that was just your appearance. Then we started talking and it got even better. I could not believe my luck,’ he said.

I had to really fight the urge to say ‘I’m not beautiful’ and ‘it must have been a short list’ but I did ruin the moment by asking how many times he’d used that line before. ‘Never. When you meet my friend you can ask her,’ he said.

We talked about relationship history, and I, as ever, cringed as I confessed that I was single most of my life and that my longest relationship is six months. ‘Really?’ he said. ‘Why’s that?’ I never know how to answer that question and it makes me feel really embarrassed, so I did what I always do: poured another drink and changed the subject.

We talked about how hard the whole chatting up/rejection game is and it was really good to hear his take on it. He said that as a rule of thumb if a woman smiles at him three times, he takes that as a clear signal that she’s interested and will say hello, even though he finds it terrifying. I realised that I don’t think I’ve ever smiled at a stranger in a bar three times, I’m too proud and scared and embarrassed. I’ve spent my life thinking the girls who get the guys do so because they’re prettier and skinnier – but maybe they’re just smiling more!

He asked to meet up the next night but I was busy so we kissed good night. By the time I got home there was a text thanking me for a great night. And it was a great night. He has headed back to Greece this week, so I don’t know what will happen but what I do know is that the fact that I went up to him that day had a good affect on both of our lives.

I learned on our second date that he’d had a tough couple of years between family issues and work. He told me that I was  the first good thing to happen to him in a long time – an ‘unexpected gift’.

And, of course, he changed my life by NOT rejecting me. I’m ALWAYS expecting men to reject me, or to think that I’m a loser or fat and ugly etc. – it never occurred to me that it might make their day.

Yesterday I came across a woman called Arden Leigh, who is a female pick up artist, and has written a book called The New Rules of Attraction, which looks very good. She describes the act of flirting and approaching someone as an ‘act of generosity’, or as my Greek says ‘an unexpected gift’.

We shouldn’t get so caught up on the outcome or the fear of rejection, instead focus on the fact that you’re paying a huge compliment to another human being and you might be making their day. Easier said than done, obviously, but a nice idea to keep in mind.

Since putting up my post last week I have had several messages from guys I know and some I don’t. Amongst these messages was one from a man I met when I was in LA for work last year. He was friends with the girl I was staying with.  I remember so clearly the evening he walked into her apartment; I was literally dumb struck by how handsome he was. Six foot something, blonde hair, blue eyes – he looked like something out of a Gillette ad.

We all went out for dinner and I remember feeling too ugly to be in their company (the friend I was staying with is beautiful too).

Anyway, Mr Gillette and I are friends on Facebook and it turns out he is reading the blog. Yesterday he sent me this message, which, once again, left me dumb struck:

HIM: Just read your recent blog about Greek date….im jealous of this man! You really hit the mark on how things feel. Im crap at approaching the opposite sex but like you really have no reason to be afraid. I’ll force myself to do it once tomorrow in your honour! Hope date two goes well.

HE’S JEALOUS OF THIS MAN?!???!!!!! AND FEELS JUST AS USELESS WITH WOMEN???!!! HOW CAN THIS BE? I replied in a way I never normally would:

ME: Thank you! I can’t believe that you’re bad at approaching the opposite sex you are a) very good looking b) very charming. I would never ever usually tell you this but I remember when you walked into S’s flat thinking that you were one of the best looking guys that I’d seen in real life and feeling totally tongue tied around you. I’m not telling you this to creep you out but to tell you that you should have no worries about approaching the opposite sex. You’d make their day… so go do it, today! x

HIM: That’s all well and good and very flattering so thank you but what’s happening on the inside for me is exactly the same as for you. You described it perfectly. Just for the record I think you’re stunning and have massive sex appeal…I was bowled over by it. If greekboy dips out come visit please.

HE THINKS I’M STUNNING AND HAVE MASSIVE SEX APPEAL?!! THE WORLD HAS OFFICIALLY STOPPED TURNING. I OBVIOUSLY KNOW NOTHING WHEN IT COMES TO THE OPPOSITE SEX.

So there you go – I’m internationally sought after, by Greeks and Australians! Who’d have thunk it?!!!

Which is all a long way of going about saying that MOST OF THE TIME REJECTION IS IN OUR HEAD.

xxxx

That said, real life rejections – asking for free coffees, free drinks, free beans etc – to come tomorrow (I have a long list gathered up from the last week).

27 thoughts on “The Greek. Part Two.

  1. annemaryhastings

    My favourite line in this whole post: ‘I’ve spent my life thinking the girls who get the guys do so because they’re prettier and skinnier – but maybe they’re just smiling more!’
    There’s a lesson in that and no mistake.

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Anne! Thank you! How are you getting on with cheese/love? I am going to take this winning streak online dating this weekend. Hate the thought of it but will be a good exercise.

      Reply
      1. annemaryhastings

        Do you mean taking the plunge at trying it or that you have a date. Cheese is going well. I’m writing a private blog for a friend who is introducing the idea of therapy blogging and it’s really helping let go of previous hang ups while at the same time I get to write my life as a page turner. Will DM you the link if you’re interested but probably best not to post it up here! Consequently I feel like smiling at the world and who knows it might even make someone’s day!
        After leaving a book launch to meet your Greek guy, online dating will be easy

        Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Yay! Pam thanks. How are you? How go wedding plans? Sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday the other weekend and that I didn’t reply. Life has been insanely busy the last couple of months. I hope you had fun?

      Reply
  2. annwae

    Fabulous stuff, you are inspiring us all to smile more at cute guys – how good is that – thanks Marianne, I sense the law of attraction may have something to do with this too. I’m going to drum up the courage to try this, I’ve been single for 6 years and feel totally over this hill and invisible to men. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      And thank for reading it and being so supportive – it’s what keeps me going and doing things I’d never have the guts to do on my own. My challenge to you today is to smile at THREE men and if they don’t smile back, that’s fine – rejection is the aim of the game the and fact that you did it is what matters.

      Reply
  3. Zoe R

    “I’ve spent my life thinking the girls who get the guys do so because they’re prettier and skinnier – but maybe they’re just smiling more!” I am sure this is correct, absolutely positive. I’ve only recently started making a concerted effort at eye contact, and the first time I smiled at a dude in a bar, he came right up to me.

    And I love that literally you’re embodiment of someone else’s dream woman, perhaps even a picture on his vision board 😉

    And ahhhh, go to LA please. (With a cross-country flight to NYC afterward thanks.)

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      My friend Anne picked up on exactly the same line, Zoe. I can’t quite believe I’m the embodiment of anyone’s dream woman but he seemed very sincere. I want to go to LA en-route to NYC. Thank you for all the cheerleading. It really really makes me happy. xx

      Reply
  4. Elaine

    This is quite possibly the best blog post I have ever read, Thank you for your honesty, your openness, humour as always and most of all for the line that “most of the time rejection is in our head”.
    Many lessons in there striking many chords with many individuals. Thanks and keep on smiling internationally.

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Smiling internationally! Ha! Love it. Elaine thank you so much for messaging, I’m delighted you like it. Please spread the word too. Are you single or seeing anyone? How is your confidence with men?x

      Reply
  5. mrsgold70

    What an exciting story! Finding admirers from everywhere! French consider flirting an art of paying compliment. And I think giving a chance for a date to pay in the beginning of relationship is like allowing the date to show you he cares. It is like an opportunity for the date to show that he takes you serious enough to invest his time and money. Later when the relationship is established, both partners would contribute but not to prove feminism or anything. Just to be fair. Hmmm… that is my understanding. Anyway it is quite interesting to know that many men think what you consider faults attractive! Who knew! It was same with Mr gold70! No wonder I love him. So love yourself and be confident! The most attractive thing about a person is confidence. But then I think you are already quite lovable!!! How could anyone not if they could read this blog!!!!!

    Reply
    1. Marianne Power

      Mrsgold70 – what a lovely message! Totally agree with everything you say. How old were you when you met Mrgold70? Thank you so much, as ever, for reading. Please spread the word about the blog!

      Reply
  6. mrsgold70

    Confession here. I myself was a single most of my life until I met mrgold70. Longest relationship I had was few months at most. So here we go. It is not an obstacle to meet the right person. People, go ahead! Smile more and graph the chance!!!

    Reply
  7. Alice Graves

    Brilliant! Glad you’re having so much fun with this! Am I allowed to smile at three men today too, please? x

    Reply
  8. Sarah

    You are a total flipping inspiration, Marianne! Reading your blog has made me feel so happy and upbeat. Even if I did have a bit of an eye moisture moment. I have nothing more to say, but thank you xx

    Reply
  9. Kathryn Cassidy

    Mr Gillette, if you are reading, you have a discerning eye! Get set for some furious competition though as Miss Power continues to come into ‘the power of her beauty and desirability!’, Marianne, this just keeps getting more and more exciting. K x

    Reply
  10. Liz

    This is so cool ! I really need to try out rejection therapy. I once picked a guy up too. Not only that but he was working behind a glass in a place full of CCTV. Hahahahaha. One of the most freeing moments of my life. And he didn’t reject me either.

    Later on it didn’t come out well, but the feeling was exhilarating.

    I should try to go to the market and ask for free beans. That should be a hoot ! I’m going to read your other texts too, but I really wanted to comment now.

    Oh and one last thing… What if you don’t get rejected? Sometimes that’s even scarier. LOL

    Reply

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