Last night I met an old friend from university – we went out for thai and got very very drunk on natural wine. It’s supposed to be better for the hangovers apparently and makes you feel worthy while you are getting obliterated. Jane works in the food industry so she knows all these things.
Anyway. We got worthy drunk and she turned up with roses and macarons for me. After dad died she sent me a text message that was so sweet I keep re-reading it to cheer me up. I might actually get it framed. It’s about how lovely I am. Ha!
Anyway, anyway, we ate food, got drunk and then ended up in some random rock basement bar dancing. It was gorgeous. We hadn’t done that since we were in our twenties. And it’s a shame. I’m realising that this is what life is about. Dancing with people you love, chatting, hugging, laughing, eating and drinking.
This week I’ve been thinking a lot about people and how much we need them.
My default setting is to go it alone. When things are bad I retreat, close the door, watch television and try to sleep or work through it.
But since dad died I am not being like that. I need people desperately. I am craving hugs and kisses and love. I am so grateful for everyone who is sending me sweet text messages or calling. So so so grateful.
I am bursting with love for my two brilliant sisters and my amazing mum. I am thinking about them all the time. And I am thinking about my friends all the time. About how funny and kind and amazing they are.
All the people in my life feel like little miracles. I don’t know why I didn’t see that before. I am so lucky!
Apparently when it comes to relationships most of us fall into one of two camps – we are either an ‘attacher’ or and ‘avoider’. Attachers are always looking for happiness and joy through other people and can be quite clingy, while avoiders are are always running away from relationships and can be quite closed off. That’s me.
I’ve kept people at arms length for all my life. But no more.
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve realised that we all need each other. Humans need other humans. We need love. It’s what we’re here for on this planet. And I am so lucky that despite all my avoiding I have wonderful people in my life – including you guys.
When the blog was happening I was so caught up with jumping off planes and chatting up strangers, I didn’t properly appreciate the miracle of total strangers or old long lost friends and relatives reading about my antics and sharing your stories and actually caring.
The fact that some of you still take the time to write and tell me what’s happening is just so amazing. Annoyingly if you email me through the blog I don’t see your email address and so I can’t reply. I’ll fix it but for now I’m very sorry to people I could not reply to – especially Catherine. Thank you for your message last week – if you send me another message with your email address in it, then I can reply. Special thanks too to Helen who has been very kind.
And people are so kind. The upside of death is that it gives us an opportunity to show that kindness.
So that’s it. The Beatles were right, love is all you need. And from now on Love is the Drug for me. That and organic wines – because all things considered I am not very hungover today. Perhaps I’m still drunk.
LOVE TO YOU ALL